Breaking up with a sex goddess

When I got serious and *determined* about my spiritual growth, I knew I had to make a lot of changes — but didn’t know where to begin. I was full of sin. I cursed. I was involved in fornication. I got offended easily and held grudges….. God was tugging at my heart and I wanted to change, but I had no idea where to start. One morning as I woke up, I heard the Holy Spirit say, “You have a shrine of her.” I was immediately convicted. The very first thing God asked me to correct was not my involvement in fornication. It was not anything I viewed as an obvious sin. It was my idolization of Marilyn Monroe.

Exodus 20:3 You shall have no other gods before me.

The first of His 10 commandments to Moses was the first thing He addressed with me. Thank you Holy Spirit, because I didn’t realize that was the first commandment until this very moment.

Anyone who knew me, knew that I was a huge Marilyn Monroe fan. I had uncountable memorabilia with her image. When the Holy Spirit spoke to me that morning, I immediately confessed and asked for forgiveness. I never viewed my self-perceived love for Marilyn as worship towards her — until that moment. Weeks before, I had a dream about Marilyn that didn’t make sense until after the Holy Spirit convicted my heart.

In the dream, I was laying in my bed looking at the ceiling of my room. The ceiling in my room was fully covered with images of Marilyn. They were all different shapes, but every piece was perfectly carved so that they all fit together like a jig-saw puzzle. In the dream, I thought “Wow, whoever pieced all of that together so meticulously is very skilled!”

I knew the moment the Holy Spirit convicted my heart that the skillful blueprint came from the enemy. I remembered the exact moment I became “obsessed” with Marilyn. I visited New York City with my mom and a friend over 10 years ago. As we walked through Times Square, there was so much Marilyn merchandise. Literally, I decided right then that I wanted to collect Marilyn things. It was that simple. Thanks to my Pastor, Joann Rosario Condrey, I recently learned that unconfessed sin leaves open doors to the enemy to plant seeds, deceive, trap, bind, ect.. Back then, all of a sudden, I thought I needed a hobby. The enemy’s seed was planted. So, I started collecting as much Marilyn stuff as I could.

Soon after, people knew I liked Marilyn — so ‘she’ became the gifts I received from everyone. For birthdays, holidays, and “just because” — people flooded me with Marilyn things. Books, clothes, framed pictures, posters, postcards, shot glasses, coffee mugs, jewelry, underwear, pens, notepads, playing cards, magazines, I followed countless social media fan pages… There was no place in my world that I spent any significant amount of time, where an image of Marilyn wasn’t present. There was a picture of her on my desk at work, a calendar of her in the trunk of my car, a framed picture in my bathroom, countless books and memorabilia in my room, glasses in the kitchen.. every room had her there. I had enough shirts to wear her image every day of the month if I wanted.

One day, someone asked me why I loved her so much — and I had no answer. I didn’t even know why. Someone asked what my favorite Marilyn movie was — and I didn’t know because I had never watched any of her movies. Instead of a light bulb going off, and understanding that the obsession was placed in me — I decided to learn more about her. I read the books that were sitting on my shelves. I watched movies online. I fed my spirit as much Marilyn as I could — chasing the desire to know who she was.

The enemy knew that if he planted that seed in me — to idolize Marilyn (even in ignorance) — I would be living my life breaking God’s very first commandment.

I never allowed myself to even consider that Marilyn was my god. I was seeking to know her. I was in high admiration of her. In certain ways, if I’m honest, I was striving to be the reflection of her. I quoted her “sayings” as if they held some type of anointing. Whether I realized it or not, she was a god to me – and I was worshiping her in my heart out of ignorance.

1 John 5:21 Dear children, keep yourselves from idols.

When the Holy Spirit says move — get up and move. I knew instantly that my love affair with Marilyn was over.

I got out of bed that morning with a heartfelt mission. I prayed the entire time asking the Holy Spirit to not let me miss one thing. I searched every crack and corner for anything with her face, name, or resemblance. I did a thorough search, and threw away everything I found. I didn’t keep one thing. I didn’t care if it was a gift, or if the President gave it to me (I don’t know the President).. I threw everything away. It was enough for several loads of trash.

Honestly, I still find something from time to time that I missed in that search. And that reminds me that even with a deep cleanse, there’s always more to purge. And God doesn’t expect anyone to “get it all” the first time. He’s the cleanser. That’s why we must stay connected to the One that washes us — So He can point out where the stains are!

I love you.

Let’s pray for one another to be led and taught by the Helper and Advocate of God: the Holy Spirit. He’s promised to every one of us when we accept Jesus as Lord.

Ephesians 1:13-14 And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory.

With love.

3 responses to “Breaking up with a sex goddess”

  1. JessNatural says :

    Thank you for sharing! I love your writing. You’re blessing others for sure.


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